Recently I was told by a sweet, sweet soul that I was a bad bass (minus the second “b”, but there’s no swearing on my website). She’s a marathoner, who’s probably faster and bad basser than I am. For some reason though, she had the impression that all people who run ultra (26 miles +) distances through mountains are bad basses. I clarified for her that this indeed was NOT the case, but to no avail. So for you, kind readers, I will give a list of reasons why I am the furthest thing from a bad bass that you can think of.

Reasons Why Megan is a Weenie Ultrarunner (and a weenie in general)

1. I am scared of butterflies. Actually, terrified. They flitter around with no direction and are so delicate it FREAKS me out. I’m scared to swat one that crosses my path because I’d be SO creeped out if its delicate little wing ripped off. The absolute worst part of the American River 50 mile endurance run was the fact that the course was littered with butterflies. I was running on the edge of the cliff so had to endure them smacking against my head and body. It was the most horrible part of my Best Day Ever.

2. I’m scared of babies. If you’re a friend of mine with a baby, you’re probably laughing right now. Like butterflies, babies are delicate and unpredictable. I do not want to be the one responsible for giving babies the first scare of their lives. “I remember when Auntie Megan nearly dropped me on the head!” Not cool. I try to avoid holding them until they’re beefy enough to withstand any harm I might cause them.

That is a look of terror on my face. Fortunately this guy is 4 1/2 now so I'm not scared of him anymore.

3. I don’t like to get dirty. Bad basses get dirty all the time and love it. Not me. I would much rather run 50 miles and tip toe my way through the muddy parts than do a 3 mile mud run. Guaranteed dirt? No way! And I’m also NOT one of those people who go for runs and walk around after all sweaty while doing errands. The first thing I do after a run is shower. Bad basses don’t shower. 

4. I would rather give myself a UTI than pee in the woods. (For the record, I have done it before. Once. It was my first 50K. Now I make sure the courses I run have bathroom access.)

5. I cry when I fall. I’ve learned to stifle it when other people are around, but my first reaction, before I decide whether I’m hurt or not, is to start sobbing.

6. I don’t like any creepy crawlies! I cannot kill spiders, not because I am a kind soul who respects all things living, but because I’m scared of them. When I lived with my parents, my dad would have to kill them for me. If he wasn’t around, I’d put a cup over the spider for him to kill later. They would sometimes go on vacation and come home a week later to find a dead (starved) spider under a cup.

6.5 I also hate worms. I LOVE to fish. However, I don’t touch the worm or the fish. I just reel them in and let these guys do the dirty work.

7. All the fun things about childhood? Scared the dickens out of me. I didn’t ride a bike until I was like, 10 years old. Rollercoasters, I think at least 12. Dogs too.

This list is a To Be Continued, because I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself for the moment. I’m sure as time passes I’ll come up with more reasons why I’m not a bad bass. Maybe it’ll become a regular column.

My new superhero name is Megan the Weenie Ultrarunner